Freedom Finders Blog

Many people have things they’d rather forget.
 

In a career, this may be the new job that turned out a nightmare, or the missed opportunities for a life not applied for. Or the relationship from hell that it’s hard to get over.

The trouble can be when these former memories refuse to go away, and have an impact on life now, by either hanging around as bad feelings (loss, regret, hurt) or by manifesting as a lack of belief about self or inability to make the right decisions in life; so jobs or promotions may pass us by because we can’t see them because we’re stuck in the past mistake.

Seems we humans do have an expectation that we should know how to live, and that every life decision has to be perfect.

When how can we make perfect decisions, because humans learn by doing. 

Inevitably we are programmed to learn, and move forward.

Some people find themselves locked in the past experiences either because they can’t seem to get over the loss, or the regret, or sometimes they fear of the consequences of moving forward, so the negative feelings and memories act as a safety mechanism; the unconscious mind just trying to keep you away from further bad feelings or decisions by reminding how bad the last ones were!

So when understanding these memories from this perspective, they are just trying to keep us safe, acknowledge this, and listen to the advice they may give you; so learn from them, and use their advice to make more useful decisions in the future.

This may help in deciding what life path is really right for you; the one not taken might have been so for a very good reason. The trick is to decide for yourself if the reason was a good one, and act differently next time.

Whilst all of these behaviours have their reasons (which can be resolved!), it can be useful to have a balance of the past, present and future.

Consider how your life would be if you could say this;

· I enjoy my memories, and tend not to dwell on the bad ones
· I appreciate NOW, and time goes much slower when I do
· I look forward to the future and all the exciting things that are out there
· I know I have the skills to cope if life takes an unfortunate turn.

And how much better would your life be if this was your mantra?

None of us are perfect, however a slight change in our ‘time balance’ may make a huge difference to our career experience. And inevitably, the future is out there!

So how can we let go of the old memories and feelings of regret or loss, so we can move forward with more optimism and success?

Here are a few tips to help be rid of the past, less useful, memories about the jobs, relationships or decisions from hell!

· Reframing. Imagine the past event that is getting you down. Then, write 5 things about not getting the job/promotion/relationship that are a GOOD thing. Nothing is ever perfect, however humans tend to delete the bad points of the situation and focus on the good ones, so ask your mind to let you know the bad points that  you were ignoring. Practice, and you may be amazed how easy it is to reframe any situation to understand the positive in it and move on to a better decision.

· Change the way you are imagining the event in your memory. So, imagine it, and write down how  you imagine it, ie is it in black and white or colour, near to you or far away, moving or still, large or small, with or without sound. Then work out what the opposite is; so if its in colour close your eyes and imagine it in black and white and so forth, until the image no longer represents the original memory.

· Imagine your memory, and stick micky mouse ears on all the people in it that you have bad feelings about. You may even want to give them micky mouse voices. And get them to move around like M Mouse. Practice making them as ridiculous and as comic as possible (use your own preferred comic idol for better effect!)

Soon, and with practice, these memories can fade into your mind as they should do, and you can find it easy to face life and new challenges!

Sue Roberts, cognitive hypnotherapist &  NLP  life coach. 07721 410813 sue@freedomfinders.co.uk

Cognitive hypnotherapy, NLP and life coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead