Freedom Finders Blog

Can-Do and Tips to Maintain Emotional Health!

 
Our success in work and relationships depends on good emotional health.

Strong, positive feelings project outwards from us and when they do, life is easier, less stressful and we get more of what we want.

Here are some tips to help:

Every day, notice something that you are grateful for.

In work, this may be your work friends, or something you did well.

In relationships, imagine something your partner does, or your child’s smile. This focuses your mind on good things and promotes positive feelings inside.

Pay attention to sleeping. Good sleep patterns can prevent depression and promotes positive emotional health, as you sort the day’s events and put them to rest.

Get enough, and if you are having trouble sleeping, eat early, get your jobs done and then create a relaxing routine.

Don’t watch the late news. Enough sleep increases your work performance and makes you less crabby with colleagues.

Every week, make sure that you do something that makes you really happy, such as spending time with family and friends, or time alone with a good book.
 
If you don’t know what makes you happy, imagine the last time you were, and what made you happy – the people, the place, the activity, and do more of it.

In work, take some exercise at lunch time. Brisk walking in the open air is enough to get your body fit and able to manage the stresses back at the office.

Every month, do something for someone else.

This can be a household job that is usually your partners or mum’s, or something for a local charity, like delivering leaflets. Doing selfless activities promotes your positive feelings about you, and increases metal well being.

Organise your work friends to do the same, either by contacting the local blood donor service to come to your workplace or adopting a charity and having monthly events.

Yearly, make sure you have two weeks off.

Even if you can’t get away, have a holiday from your usual activities. Ban TV, create meals from different countries and keep your phone off. A rest gives you time to reflect, recharging mental and physical batteries.

Once a year, do something completely different, in work or career this may be taking on a new project that makes you learn new skills or at home a new hobby or activity.

This keeps your mind active and fulfils needs to be challenged and stretched.

Need help with your emotional health? Contact me for a chat 07721 410813 sue@freedomfinders.co.uk

Sue Roberts Cognitive Hypnotherapy , NLP and Life Coaching in Burnham Maidenhead Slough 

 

 

Many people have things they’d rather forget.
 

In a career, this may be the new job that turned out a nightmare, or the missed opportunities for a life not applied for. Or the relationship from hell that it’s hard to get over.

The trouble can be when these former memories refuse to go away, and have an impact on life now, by either hanging around as bad feelings (loss, regret, hurt) or by manifesting as a lack of belief about self or inability to make the right decisions in life; so jobs or promotions may pass us by because we can’t see them because we’re stuck in the past mistake.

Seems we humans do have an expectation that we should know how to live, and that every life decision has to be perfect.

When how can we make perfect decisions, because humans learn by doing. 

Inevitably we are programmed to learn, and move forward.

Some people find themselves locked in the past experiences either because they can’t seem to get over the loss, or the regret, or sometimes they fear of the consequences of moving forward, so the negative feelings and memories act as a safety mechanism; the unconscious mind just trying to keep you away from further bad feelings or decisions by reminding how bad the last ones were!

So when understanding these memories from this perspective, they are just trying to keep us safe, acknowledge this, and listen to the advice they may give you; so learn from them, and use their advice to make more useful decisions in the future.

This may help in deciding what life path is really right for you; the one not taken might have been so for a very good reason. The trick is to decide for yourself if the reason was a good one, and act differently next time.

Whilst all of these behaviours have their reasons (which can be resolved!), it can be useful to have a balance of the past, present and future.

Consider how your life would be if you could say this;

· I enjoy my memories, and tend not to dwell on the bad ones
· I appreciate NOW, and time goes much slower when I do
· I look forward to the future and all the exciting things that are out there
· I know I have the skills to cope if life takes an unfortunate turn.

And how much better would your life be if this was your mantra?

None of us are perfect, however a slight change in our ‘time balance’ may make a huge difference to our career experience. And inevitably, the future is out there!

So how can we let go of the old memories and feelings of regret or loss, so we can move forward with more optimism and success?

Here are a few tips to help be rid of the past, less useful, memories about the jobs, relationships or decisions from hell!

· Reframing. Imagine the past event that is getting you down. Then, write 5 things about not getting the job/promotion/relationship that are a GOOD thing. Nothing is ever perfect, however humans tend to delete the bad points of the situation and focus on the good ones, so ask your mind to let you know the bad points that  you were ignoring. Practice, and you may be amazed how easy it is to reframe any situation to understand the positive in it and move on to a better decision.

· Change the way you are imagining the event in your memory. So, imagine it, and write down how  you imagine it, ie is it in black and white or colour, near to you or far away, moving or still, large or small, with or without sound. Then work out what the opposite is; so if its in colour close your eyes and imagine it in black and white and so forth, until the image no longer represents the original memory.

· Imagine your memory, and stick micky mouse ears on all the people in it that you have bad feelings about. You may even want to give them micky mouse voices. And get them to move around like M Mouse. Practice making them as ridiculous and as comic as possible (use your own preferred comic idol for better effect!)

Soon, and with practice, these memories can fade into your mind as they should do, and you can find it easy to face life and new challenges!

Sue Roberts, cognitive hypnotherapist &  NLP  life coach. 07721 410813 sue@freedomfinders.co.uk

Cognitive hypnotherapy, NLP and life coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead

 

 

Did you see this news story today?

A study has been done that shows that women put their own needs second, try to be superwoman in all aspects of their life, and end up stressed and suffering from mental health issues as a result.

I don't know how much this study costs but any decent therapist would tell you this for nothing!

The most common issue by far with women in business that I have seen is this very one.

Women talk of being pulled, stressed, no time for themselves and feelings of powelessness and lack of energy leading to food issues, one too many glasses of wine in the evening and generally a bad temper.

Nobody wins.

There is however a different way to be. Most women agree that if they are relaxed, things get easier, kids are less of a bother and life gets more enjoyable. They are the centre of the family after all.

But a lot of women are, unconsiously, holding on to far too many 'I must' , 'I shoulds' and also the fear of what might happen if she did put her own needs first.

NLP  and cognitive hypnotherapy are  really good ways to  resolve all of this, to help women to find a balance - between what they need, what others need, and to have flexibility in when to choose what is right, when it's right.

This is the true meaning of empowerment - and taking control.

if you know anyone who may benefit from knowing more about how I can help with this problem, please send them a link to my website or ask them to call me for a chat 07721 410813  email : sue@freedomfinders.co.uk

Sue Roberts
Cognitive hypnotherapy , NLP, and life coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead

 

Some people say they are self-confident ‘most of the time’, and then come the ‘buts’; the part of their life they struggle with. This might be public speaking, with people that are close , or strangers.

So a very common issue is people tend to be ok with themselves, just feel differently when it comes to showing who they are to the rest of the world.

You know: ‘ what will they think of me if I stand up and speak’, or ‘ how will they feel if I go and do it’, or ‘ no-one will like me if I say that’

Sometimes, people have a whole auditorium of friends family or strangers in their mind, who they perceive judge them, and usually negatively.

And this means they spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think or feel about them, and so don’t do stuff they like to do, or might fail at, or even succeed at!

This is because lack of self confidence is rooted in the fear of the opinion of others.

In evolutionary terms, this is because when humans were in caves, it was really important for survival that we got on with others, or we would be thrown out of the group, and most likely not survive.

So our unconscious mind is programmed to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others and calibrate our behaviour so we ‘fit in’.

Which was ok when we were in caves. And in 21st Century, gets a bit restrictive.

So reprogramming is needed, to update our 'mind software' , that we are living by different rules.

Not that we need to take away our ‘others radar’ completely, it does come in handy and gives us what we need to exists socially with each other.

It just needs a tweak.

And because everybody does their self-confidence issue their way, cognitive hypnotherapy and NLP are such good solutions: a tweak for everyone: a  solution based on individual issues and how to solve them.

Simple, when you know how, and I can show you!

Sue Roberts 07721 410813

Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP and Life Coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead

Acknowledgements: thank you  to Michael Neill for the inspiration behind this blog!

Michael’s website
 

Is your child a fussy eater?

A BBC news story today talks about how many parents mistake bad behaviour for  eating disorders, and suffer nightmares at dinner time because their child refuses to eat.

I have experience of helping parents with children who can’t or won’t eat certain foods, and almost always the problem began with child refusing certain foods and mum or dad ‘giving in’: usually because of fear the child will starve unless they give them what they want.

How can you begin to resolve this issue?

Firstly, rule out the possibility of an intolerance or allergy. The child may have good reasons for refusing a food and normally this will be quite specific items.

Secondly, remember that children are mostly responsive to their family unit; they usually do things in response to others and things happening around them.

So, what stresses are going on in the family? If you are ignoring and not resolving them, your child may be telling you they are not happy in the only way they can.

Has there been a new baby? Is there tension in your partnership, or money or job worries?

In this case, rather than sending your child to be ‘fixed’, consider help with family or stress issues for the grown ups. If you are stressed you are in no position to improve your child’s behaviour.

Finally, if you seek help from a practitioner like myself, consider that children use ‘not eating’ as a powerful way to get attention from their parents, and to resolve this, along with professional help, you need to be resolved to do what it takes to get your child into better and healthier eating habits. 

My approach is to provide support for child and parents, teaching them how to handle meal times better, and focussing on practical ways to get your child eating. One of the key ways to do this is to make the sessions fun for the child, and to involve the parents as much as possible, so that what we learn in session can be transferred to the dinner table.

If you’d like more information, please do call or email me on 07721 410813, or sue@freedomfinders.co.uk

Sue Roberts

Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP and Life Coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead

Read the BBC story here

 

 

 

Stress seems like a fact of life for some of us. A feeling we live with, like being tightly sprung, or a permanent ache in the shoulders, neck or back.

Stress is the physical response to certain situations: overwork, feeling out of control, emotional tension within families, or grief.

So it’s not like a virus, that comes and goes without our intention, it is something that happens because of what is going on in our lives.

How can Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP or Life Coaching help?

Well, most people who come to see me with stress can’t change their lives overnight. For some, they are in impossible situations that are hard to change.

The first thing we do is work out exactly what it is that is the problem.

Often, this isn’t the situation, its how the person is dealing with it, or seeing it or feeling about it.

All of these can be altered slightly or reframed because they come form the client, and exist in their head – their emotional response.

So do clients change their lives dramatically to reduce stress? Not usually ( and only if they want to!). Usually its small changes in attitude, to situations, to self, to others, that makes a big difference.

Most people just don’t give their emotional responses enough attention, and stress is a way the body and mind have of saying ‘hang on, this isn’t good for you, do something about it’. And the longer we ignore the message, the more severe it gets.

Doing something about it can make the difference.

If youa re suffering from stress, do give me a call, and I can explain more

Sue Roberts
sue@freedomfinders.co.uk
01626 669475

Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP and Life Coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead

 

 

 

 

Have you heard about the lady who lost over four stone using hypnosis to imagine she had a gastric band? It’s been in a lot of the newspapers lately.

I have been asked my opinion about this,and if I can do it, if  it could ‘work’ and what would be the pitfalls.

It’s not really up to me to comment about other hypnotherapists,  however I can explain how I use Cognitive Hypnotherapy to  help with weight loss.

We all eat for a reason – usually to survive! When we eat too much, this is also for a reason. Many clients know why the eat too much – boredom, comfort, to get rid of stress, and our first task when you visit me is to work out what is driving you to over-eat.

Then, we go about resolving this. Sometimes this can mean making  life changes, and sometimes it’s just about small changes that can make a difference. I help you find the motivation to do what it takes, when we know what that is!

So cognitive hypnotherapy works out with you, the root causes of your eating. Visualisation can be very useful in resolving these issues, however as everyone is different, so is what they need to visualise.

Cognitive hypnotherapy encourages the client to imagine what they need to. So for some, if it’s a gastric band, and it works, then this is best for them.

 But if it’s not best for you, we encourage your mind to imagine something more appropriate for you.

There is no magic wand for weight loss, it’s best that you eat a little less, exercise  a little more and make lifestyle changes to keep the weight off.

What I do is help you make this simple, and achievable.

If you’d like to know more, then do contact me and we can talk about how I can help you.

sue@freedomfinders.co.uk
07721 410813

Sue Roberts
Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP and Life Coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead
 

I’ll let you into a little secret- I failed my maths ‘O’ level. Not just any old failure, this was the M&S of failures,  - 5 times in all! Yes, I took the exam 5 times and got the same miserable fail grade each time.

I got quite good at failing it, really! Did the same exam paper (virtually) revised in the same way each time and made the same mistakes.

In NLP we call this ‘if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got’. Worked for me!

So, no Maths O level! I used to have a belief that I was no good at maths – not surprising after 5 failures maybe! I had this belief for most of my adult life, until mid-30’s. Now, I must admit I don’t believe I am accountant material, but I can make sense of business numbers very competently these days and of course Excel helps!

What made the difference to me makes an interesting story about NLP, and how used effectively, can make a huge difference to who you believe you are, and the life outcomes you get.

My maths story? Quite simple, really. For most of my life I avoided complex number situations. I did a Certificate in Management in my 20’s, got grade A’s  in Operations and Marketing, and never completed the Accountant module.

Fast forward to a job interview in my early 30’s, and this one really counted, lots of money and opportunity. Despite coming first in all the interview activities, after a maths test, I was told I was not good enough.

Devastated, and along the way some other stuff happened that led me to my first NLP course. Now, some NLP’ers can be really good at telling you how great NLP is ( me!) and still you may wonder what’s it all about.

Lots of things, really. One is to examine the beliefs that you have about yourself and change them, with some very interesting results.

Fast forward again to the next BIG JOB interview. Things were different, I’d been on an NLP course , and learned the power of changing beliefs that are not serving you well. And I wanted the job to pay for my re-training as a coach and therapist.

Back to the job interview; I knew a maths test was part of the interview. So, I chose to believe that I was good enough, and that instead of worrying about the answer, I’d either know it, or I’d give it my best guess. Not perfect at maths, just good enough.

I passed. I got the job. I earned enough to fund my training and my first year in business. Life changed. Just because of the new belief about maths? Not only that, however that was part of my change in belief system that if I didn’t know how to do something, I just needed to find a way to do it, and adopt a belief that it was possible.

Makes a difference.

Maybe I can make a difference with your beliefs, if you’d like to know more, or find out more, then just drop me a line or call me, I can’t show you my maths certificates, threw them out long ago!

What I can do is work with you to make a difference in your beliefs, and life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I was out last night in a noodle bar, and my fortune cookie said this:

‘man is born to live and not prepared to live'

Seems we humans though do have an expectation that we should know how to live. When how can we, humans learn by living, inevitably we are programmed to move forward and age. Which is interesting, as I meet many clients who resist this programming.