Hypnotherapy in Slough

Why Failure Can Be Good For You

I was reading a blog last week about knowing when to end a project, and it reminded me of one of the most widespread problems I see with clients: when to decide that something has failed.

No-one is perfect and we all fail at something: driving test, a relationship, a job. It’s not the failing that is the problem though – it’s how we perceive it: as something painful, embarrassing maybe.

Bad feelings associated with failure are internal: how we feel about ourselves, which stops us pushing our boundaries and rocks confidence that might have been a bit dodgy to begin with. Or, bad feelings are all about how we are seen by others; especially of you are surrounded by nay-sayers. You know the ‘I told you it would never work out’ brigade.

The avoidance of painful feelings is human: it may be natural not to want to fail, so sometimes we just don’t try. And this becomes a way of life, not trying to succeed, just drifting along.

But if you have tried this, you will know that this comes with bad feelings too: feeling that you are wasting your life, letting others down, or just feelings of sadness and beating yourself up that you should be ‘better’ if only you could improve your confidence

Well, you are probably just fine as you are: the thing that needs to change is your attitude to failure.

Now there’s a thing: a new attitude to failure. That failure is actually a route to success. How else to kids learn to walk but by falling down? You have to know what isn’t before you know what is.

And how would that feel, a new attitude to failure? Would you try more? And what would that bring you, that’s new and good and exciting? That would improve your confidence no end, I am sure. An upward cycle.

Sue Roberts Hypnotherapy in Slough Burnham Berks and Bucks: improve your confidence.

sue@freedomfinders.co.uk

07721 410813

The original blog I read is by Seth Godin, well worth a read here

Want to Improve Your Confidence?

How are your confidence levels today?

Would you like some tips on how to improve your confidence?

I ask this because it seems to me that confidence levels generally are not constant – and depend on what you are doing. You may have something that you are good at and quite like doing and makes you feel confident.

Then there are other things (like speaking in public, interviews, asking for a pay rise, or having a difficult conversation) which really make you feel small and a bit inadequate and lacking in confidence.

This is sort of normal – and it’s a good thing. Because if you feel confident at one thing that means you can improve your confidence with other things – you just need to know how!

Yesterday I got a call from the lovely people at BBC Radio Berks asking if I would comment on air about a newspaper feature, which said that women generally are really bad at self-promotion. This is one of my favourite subjects! Generally, women lack confidence and men are a bit overconfident (although if you are a man reading this now you may disagree! – we are talking generally here.) And the root of women’s lack of ability to tell people what they are good at is a lack of self-confidence.

But these same women are also confident in other things – being a mum, dealing with the school or other associations, juggling many difficult emotional issues or situations. However, when it comes to telling other people how good they are, or turning those great skills into a business, a lot of women turn into little mice with squeaky voices and struggle to say ‘ I’m really good at this, and I’m proud of it!’

Ultimately this is about fear of the opinion of others and is classed as a ‘social phobia’. All humans suffer from it to some extent.

There may be times when you need to get over it though. You may run a business, or have been asked to do a presentation at work, or need to find a new job.

I don’t have a magic wand to help you improve your self-confidence overnight, however I do have a process which can help you work out what specifically is stopping you and how to resolve it.

Here is a tip to help you. It’s something called the ‘friendly mirror’, created by a great coach called Michael Neill.

Here’s how it works. Imagine someone complementing you on your skills. It doesn’t matter if you don’t believe in yourself, just that you believe they are genuine.

Sit in front of the mirror, and then, look in the mirror, and begin to see the person that received the complement – so how that other person is seeing you. Actively look for the person that they see – notice what they saw, perhaps the way you act, think or talk, maybe even the way you look. What can you see now that made them pay that complement? Once you are satisfied you have something, then have a sense of where you feel that feeling inside of you, really let your unconscious mind remember how it feels.

Do this tip when someone pays you a complement, and you will find that each time you do it, then slowly your self- image improves, and so your confidence.

As I said, there is no magic wand to improving confidence; however it can increase with time. Typically clients come to see me for 2 or 3 sessions, then go out and try their new improved confidence, and come back a few months later for the next step. Everyone is different, and everyone has their own journey to improving confidence.

If you would like the more detailed copy of the ‘friendly mirror, then please do email me sue@freedomfinders.co.uk 07721 410813

Sue Roberts cognitive hypnosis for improving confidence Burnham Slough Maidenhead Berks.

Improve confidence with cognitive hypnotherapy and NLP Sue Roberts in Burnham Slough Berkshire