| Lacking self confidence? What's that about? |
Some people say they are self-confident ‘most of the time’, and then come the ‘buts’; the part of their life they struggle with. This might be public speaking, with people that are close , or strangers.So a very common issue is people tend to be ok with themselves, just feel differently when it comes to showing who they are to the rest of the world. You know: ‘ what will they think of me if I stand up and speak’, or ‘ how will they feel if I go and do it’, or ‘ no-one will like me if I say that’ Sometimes, people have a whole auditorium of friends family or strangers in their mind, who they perceive judge them, and usually negatively. And this means they spend a lot of time worrying about what others will think or feel about them, and so don’t do stuff they like to do, or might fail at, or even succeed at! This is because lack of self confidence is rooted in the fear of the opinion of others. In evolutionary terms, this is because when humans were in caves, it was really important for survival that we got on with others, or we would be thrown out of the group, and most likely not survive. So our unconscious mind is programmed to be sensitive to the thoughts and feelings of others and calibrate our behaviour so we ‘fit in’. Which was ok when we were in caves. And in 21st Century, gets a bit restrictive. So reprogramming is needed, to update our 'mind software' , that we are living by different rules. Not that we need to take away our ‘others radar’ completely, it does come in handy and gives us what we need to exists socially with each other. It just needs a tweak. And because everybody does their self-confidence issue their way, cognitive hypnotherapy and NLP are such good solutions: a tweak for everyone: a solution based on individual issues and how to solve them. Simple, when you know how, and I can show you! Sue Roberts Cognitive Hypnotherapy, NLP and Life Coaching in Burnham Slough Maidenhead Acknowledgements: thank you to Michael Neill for the inspiration behind this blog! |